Cried myself to sleep last night...that happens way too often then it should. I shouldn't be this messed up. I wish I wasn't afraid of being alone, and I wish I didn't mess up every good thing in my life. I just do, all the time. I hate it. I end up hurting myself than anyone else hurts me...or maybe I just keep blaming myself for what other people do. I don't know. I swear, I'm only just about 16, but I could totally write Messing up your life: For Dummies and it absolutely sucks.
Well...I always find just forgetting and moving on is the best for this sort of situation. That's all I can do, so new topic. For a very long time I've wanted to be an English teacher/novelist. I thought this was relevant to this blog seeing as I am writing this blog to get better at writing and prepare myself for my future career. I love writing and I love reading. I figured since I don't have the attention span to finish an actual story right now I could write a blog. It's just like a bunch of little mini stories that can prepare me for future writing. I am also taking an IB (International baccalaureate) English class right now, I have a solid A. I beast at English and I love it so much. I'm looking into colleges that have strong English programs, but I've found that practicially EVERY college has an English program which is making narrowing down my search difficult. Seeing as I am Mormon I thought it would be best to think more about BYU BYUI and SVU. Of those I really want to go to SVU but it's the smallest and most difficult to get into. It's also the most expensive, still its not very expensive but its more than the about $6,000 it costs to go to BYU a semester. Since I'm just going to be a teacher and I know my sallary wont be an insane amount I don't really think I should try for really expensive colleges that I will spend the rest of my life trying to pay off. That just isn't necissary. I will seriously consider MA state schools if I get the John and Abigail Addams scholarship, which is a possibility. If I get that scholarship I have a full ride to any state school of my choice, so that would be a very good option for me. I could have the same college experience not too far away from home and then go to a better school for my masters.
Thoughts? Opinions?
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